Categorized | Crime, Eureka, Local

Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places

 

Beating Feet to a Climactic Finish

 

Skippy Massey
Humboldt Sentinel

 

A “Good Relations” employee chased a young parolee through Old Town today after he attempted to purloin a spanking brand new sex toy.

Eureka Police Officers say Kevin Gillespie went into the
“Good Relations Lovers Boutique” on 2nd Street and tried
to steal a sex toy, KIEM-TV News’ Kelly May reported.

beating feetApparently Mr. Gillespie decided to use sticky fingers rather than employ the cash needed to purchase the preciously too-tempting self-gratification device.  An employee caught him red-handed doing the nakedly dirty deed of bold thievery.

Good Relations staff chased Mr. Gillespie through the Old Town area to G Street, where EPD officers caught up with him.  Without beating around the bush, Mr. Gillespie was promptly arrested
for theft.

Witnesses say the employee who chased Mr. Gillespie couldn’t help but titter and giggle as she related to responding officers what happened– and what he took.  A description of the tantalizing toy was not disclosed.  It was reportedly recovered intact.

A frustrated and embarrassingly flaccid Mr. Gillespie was booked into the Humboldt County Jail, sans toy and batteries.

* * * * * * * * * *

banannaNot exactly the brightest cookie in the crayon box, he’s obviously a few watts shy of a very dim bulb.

Body by God, mind by Mattel.

 

Article and photo sourced from KIEM-TV

 

 

 

One Response to “Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places”

  1. James says:

    Lol the wordplay.

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