A Perfect Fit for Humboldt
Have you ever said to yourself, “Marathons are too easy, and Triathlons are for sissies?”
Well, we haven’t either. Those races are hard. Really hard. Think about it. The first person to run a marathon actually died. Yes, he died! And we surmise he didn’t have fun along the way.
Welcome to a new kind of race: THE DIRTY DASH. It’s a perfect fit for Humboldt to do. Or shamelessly imitate. It’s independently zany, it’s crazy, and it’s wildly colorful. A racy race that would cause your Grandma to blush her bloomers.
This dirty race puts all other races to shame. The Dirty Dash is a mud run obstacle course where military boot camp meets your inner five-year-old fantasy. It converts boy to man, and then man to swine in a really dirty sort of way.
It’s also fun. And we mean Way Fun.
You’ll need endurance to trudge up mountains of sludge, courage to overcome uncompromising obstacles, a complete lack of shame to wallow in pits of mud, and then a smile to show how happy you are making it through to the end!
This mud-run obstacle course could become your new guilty pleasure and your Facebook wallpage photo. Going solo or with some of your dirtiest, filthiest, & uncouth friends, you’ll be able to look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I am a Dirty Dasher and there’s no shame in my game!”
Eleven 3-5 mile charity races are run throughout the Pacific Northwest and the Southwest– from Oregon to New Mexico– from June through September. Some of the shorter races also sport a 3 ½ mile shortcut. Why not? Everyone loves a shortcut.
They don’t care much about timing the races, either. It doesn’t matter. They also run rain or shine, saying:
“Seriously? How can the weather be bad? Shame on you; your glass is clearly half-empty. If it rains, even better, more mud! The Dirty Dash is as dependable as (and far less subsidized than) the US Postal Service and goes on rain or shine, global warming or global cooling.
If it gets too hot, feel free to bask in the mud pit for longer and if it gets too cold, feel free to drop into the fetal position with your teammates and cuddle for warmth.
However, rule #1 is safety first, so if there is lightning, we’ll postpone waves and running until it blows over. In case anyone was wondering, rule #2 is complete and brutal honesty amongst group members, and rule #3 is everyone hooks up with a local.”
Because it’s a family race, there’s only one version to do. You Dirty Dash however you need to and however long it takes.
You can walk. Run. Crawl. Wallow. Skip. Clamber. Lollygag. Grovel. Just be yourself and just finish before sundown so the coyotes and mosquitoes don’t git ya. You can run in sublime running shorts or dress up in a flashy costume. Pets and kids are welcome, too, but not necessarily in that order. They’ll also take you as on as a volunteer and ease you into this dirty lifestyle nice and slow. Keep in mind there is an age limit. It’s 106.
You can run it by yourself or with a team of your favorite friends, enemies and friendemies. Whoever likes to get dirty or whoever needs to simply get down and dirty in the worst way. Teams may encourage each other, mock each other, or drag each other over obstacles. “Feel free to clasp hands, smack bottoms, or open mouth kiss,” the rules say.
Did your last personal record run have a 175-foot slop n’ slide in the middle of it? Probably not. And a final finale mud pit? Nope. Sprinklers and showers and water blasters? Heavens to Betsy, no. While we’re at it, let’s throw in a Pig Sty, a Hog Wash, and a Piglet Plunge. Now
that’s what we call a race.
Wherever they go, runners completely change the landscape to an ultra muddy hue, making for the most interesting and diverse course ever run. The course itself, as you can see in the video, is full of obstacles ranging from mud pits, water slides, tires, logs, hay bales, wood structures, to just plain mud, more mud, and even muddier mud everywhere. Uh, did we say mud?
Why do it? Exercise? Maybe. Camaraderie? Most likely. Fun? You bet your mud-balls. Good cause? Check. Besides benefitting your cardiovascular system, each muddy Dirty Dash benefits local charities through the registration fees, online donations, water balloon sales, and shoe donations.
In this viral video best viewed at full-screen resolution, cinematographer Devin Graham filmed a Dirty Dash race taking place in Soldier Hallow, Utah. The race, like most of them, completely sold out in record time. Let’s face it:
people love to get dirty when it’s socially acceptable. A good
Dirty Dash race beats a bad diaper rash case.
It’s a perfect fit for our area– and it would be a muddy hit for someone getting it together for the Humboldt peeps. Half of our towns would turn out to run and watch. We would, too. In two shakes of a kitten’s whiskers.
If you know of someone in our running community interested in putting on something similar, share this with them.
Six Rivers Running Club? HSU? Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence? The Kinetic Sculpture Race or the babelicious Rutabaga and Humboldt Roller Derby Queens? Justin Bieber? (Sorry, all you Beliebers). Send it along …and we’d thank you for it! We’d love to see them all get a bit dirty. Sarah Palin and Anderson Cooper, too. We’d pay for that.
After all folks, this isn’t Survivor. It’s more like Jackass mixed with Dirty Jobs mixed with America’s Got Talent. And we’d like to have more fun with like-minded Humboldt folks and friends and cheeky monkeys everywhere.
No time for nattering nabobs of negativism here! It’s time to smile– and run a muck.
If you’d like to know more, you can find out all about these mud races in this link:
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(For our Humboldt County runners)